I like to think of the ParmFarm as a co-op. It’s all about ‘growing’ and sharing! So, with that in mind, I’d like to give you a tasty little something to chew on today.
Did you see the Emmys? (Oh geez. Where is she going with this one…)
Let me just tell you that this ‘little something’ could make a big difference in the way you see the world and relate to other people. No more wondering what your spouse is thinking or why co-workers act as they do. By the end of this post, you will know.
Note: This is another revelation courtesy of my guru, a highly gifted woman who has helped me to understand the noise in my head. I should probably give her a name so that you will know when you should drop everything and pay attention. Okay, from this point forward she will be referred to as the Golden Lady. Because she is. Golden.
See if you don’t agree.
I’ve chosen the Emmys to demonstrate the point but it can be broadly applied elsewhere.
When your favorite actor wins an Emmy, you are – for a moment – privately pleased that your thinking is in line with those who actually get to vote. But soon the speech begins and your eyes glaze over with the way-too-long list of thank yous to nobody you’ve ever heard of, followed by the thanking of the parents, the thanking of the spouse, and the ‘okay kids, daddy won, now go to bed.’
Nobody watching likes those speeches but almost everybody gives them. Do you want to know why?
This is what I learned from the Golden Lady and I have noted it to be true in all relationships:
You give what you need.
I’m going to repeat it just for effect:
YOU GIVE WHAT YOU NEED.
Who needs attention more than an actor or actress?? They live to be recognized. So, of course, when they ARE recognized, they feel compelled to recognize others.
They give what they need.
It’s not that they aren’t really grateful to all those people they thank, but they could just as easily thank them in private. PRIVATE?? Actors need public recognition. You give what you need.
Now, take that with you out into the world, and see if it isn’t true in your personal relationships, and your professional relationships as well.
Forget trying to read someone’s mind. Just note their behavior.
If they are affectionate, they need affection. If they are generous, they expect a lot in return. (even if they say they don’t) And, if they offer to bring you soup when you are sick, it’s because – consciously or subconscously – they would like someone to offer them soup when they are sick.
Conversely, if someone is not affectionate – it doesn’t mean they don’t like you. They just don’t need affection, so they don’t understand that you do. (Unless of course they really don’t like you, in which case that is another lesson for another day…)
You give what you need.
This is not a criticism. Or a judgment. It’s an observation. And it’s true.
You can thank me when you win an Emmy.
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