My last post was about judgment and I promised this follow up because judgment is really at the heart of all conflict. Not just the conflict we have with others – but conflict within ourselves.

The problem is I’m afraid you won’t get this concept.

I mean I didn’t get it at first and I’m afraid you won’t get it either and I’ll lose you forever.

But I really want to share it so I’m just going to put it out there and if you don’t get it or don’t agree with it then I hope you will just leave it on the buffet table but not abandon the meal altogether.

Okay, this is it:

WHEN SOMEONE JUDGES YOU, IT MEANS YOU’VE MET THEIR FEAR.

Should I repeat it?

WHEN SOMEONE JUDGES YOU, IT MEANS YOU’VE MET THEIR FEAR.

So, in other words, when someone judges you, it’s about them.

A SIMPLE EXAMPLE

Here’s an example that helped me get it.

I had a friend who would often judge others as ‘lazy’.

She was always up early and ‘busy’ throughout the day.

If, heaven forbid, you slept in until 9, she’d be quick to say ‘must be nice!’ Or ‘I haven’t slept that late in years!’.

Her judgment was palpable.

The Truth

I am not lazy. So I remind myself…

WHEN SOMEONE JUDGES YOU IT MEANS YOU’VE MET THEIR FEAR.

Over time I realized that my friend’s fear – the reason she gets up early, runs from place to place and casually but intentionally shares every detail – is because SHE fears being judged as lazy. Lazy, she was taught, is shameful. And now she judges others accordingly.

A MORE COMPLICATED EXAMPLE

I don’t know George Zimmerman’s fear. But I know it prompted him to carry a gun, patrol as ‘captain’ of his neighborhood watch, and shoot an unarmed teenager.

And now he is in hiding, his future uncertain at best.

We all have fears. We all judge.

And, in doing so, we not only hurt others, we hurt ourselves.

Does this make sense to you?? Are your judgments really your fears?

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